Anatomy of Conflict
By In an earlier post, I mentioned Mike Minter's Stay the Course one-day seminar for pastors. From that seminar, here is Mike's "anatomy of conflict":
- An offense occurs.
- A biased view of the offense is shared with friends.
- Friends take up the offense.
- Sides begin to form.
- Suspicion on both sides develop.
- Each side looks for evidence to confirm their suspicion. You can be sure they will find it.
- Exaggerated statements are made.
- In the heat of conflict those involved hear things that were never said and say things they wish they had never said.
- Third parties, no matter how well intentioned, can never accurately transfer information from one offended party to the other.
- Past offenses unrelated to the original offense surface.
- Integrity is challenged.
- People call each other liars.
- Those who try to solve the problem (e.g., church leadership) are blamed for not following the proper procedure and become the new focus.
- Many are hurt.
Three observations:
- First, that is pretty much spot-on with what I've observed in a number of churches. I wish it weren't so, but it's the truth.
- Second, it seems that once you get to step #5, it's pretty hard to pull out of the nose-dive.
- Third, conflict in the church makes me long for Jesus to come back soon.
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Spot on, Michael!
Breaking it down like this shows me even more so how ugly church conflicts can get.
What do you think is the role of a third party being asked to mediate church conflict?
After having witnessed a church split, I can certainly attest that this is exactly what happened. It is heart breaking to see brothers and sisters allow bitterness to tear one another apart instead of practicing Matthew 18 and confronting the problem with humility and a heart of repentance.
Nonetheless, each of us have a difficulty with admitting wrong doing and being humble in the face of criticism. By God's grace, we can all grow in this.
First, just for a reality check, was it not our attempt on God’s White Throne to judge good and evil for ourselves via the fruit of the poisonous tree, which concluded our stay in Eden!?
OK, now if Church members were being taught the actual, basic principals of REAL Christianity, these "splits" would never EVER happen.
Since REAL Christianity is such a beautiful faith, really, just one of its principals would suffice.:
Your judgment of others or even your judgment of yourself will be accepted, just as soon as you prove your omniscience!
This is very simple standard. If someone should need encouragement, Matthew 7 and Romans 2 very clearly verify that if you choose to judge instead of forgive, then you will be redirecting the guilt, the shame, the circumstance, as well as the punishment away from the person(s) you've chosen to judge and onto yourself. ; - )
Merry Monday!
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