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In order to answer this hotly contested question we need to make sure a few biblical pieces are in place.
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Principle 1: Churches should not give the responsibility of eldering to those who are not already eldering. Rather, they should nominate men who meet the biblical qualifications and are already doing the work. Nothing magical happens when a church calls a man to elder. Rather, it simply recognizes publicly what he already is.
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Pray for and care for one another.
Pray for and discuss the spiritual state of every church member by name according to some system. This will ensure that the elders are caring for all the flock, as the apostle Paul commands (Acts 20:28).
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In the New Testament, the normal pattern is for churches to have a plurality of elders (Acts 14:23; Phil. 1:1; Jas. 5:14). Does this mean that no single man among them should be called the “senior pastor” and possess a larger measure of relational and institutional authority?
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Many modern churches have tended to confuse elders with the church staff.
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Elders are installed and removed by the will of the congregation. Even though they should have considerable authority over the congregation, they are finally accountable to the congregation and their continuance in office depends on the consent of the congregation.
Congregation should trust and follow their elders in matters of Christian discipleship. The New Testament commands church members to obey and submit to those in authority over them (Heb. 13:17, 1 Thess. 5:12).
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Since deacons function like elders in many churches, the relationship between them can get
confused. But we can see how they should relate to one another by again considering their
distinct biblical responsibilities:
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While the titles “elder” and “deacon” are not essential to the church’s ministry, there are several
good reasons why churches should use these biblical titles:
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In 1 Timothy 3:8-12 Paul lays out the qualifications for a deacon:
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According to the New Testament, deacons are to provide material and logistical support to the
church.
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Clear, then firm. The clearer a matter is in Scripture, the firmer you hold your ground when disagreement arises. If the argument is over the deity of Christ, the Trinity, the inerrancy of Scripture, justification by faith alone, or any other crucial doctrine, hold your ground no matter what anyone says.
Less clear, then cautious. On the other hand, recognize that you may have convictions about certain things that are less clear in Scripture and less central to the Christian faith. Tread more lightly in these areas.
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Pray. Satan loves to divide. If he can divide a church’s leaders he gets a foothold from which to divide the church. So beg God to bring unity and peace.
Pursue the brother in order to build your relationship. Irritation often arises out of ignorance. Work to get to know the brother and remember that you don’t have all the facts.
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Pray. Ask God for a humble heart.
Study and meditate on the relevant passages (1 Tim. 3:4-5; Tit. 1:6).
Seek instruction from your fellow elders.
Confess your sin and be transparent with your fellow elders. Don’t hold things back— remember that God already knows your sin and will forgive you because Jesus Christ is the propitiation for your sins (1 John 2:1-2).
Receive critical evaluation and consider it together with your wife.
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Once a child is independent of his parents, he’s outside his parents’ authority as it relates to Paul’s remarks in Titus. When a kid is on his own, he’s on his own. No amount of good parenting can guarantee that someone will profess Christ and live accordingly once the child has grown and left the home.