Caring for a Family in Your Church Who Receives a Disability Diagnosis

“James, do your best worst!” my husband Lee said to our three-year-old son on November 16, 2010, as we drove to the elementary school for an evaluation. We had prayed that James would just be himself. We wanted his strengths and weaknesses to be clear to the team evaluating him. We were met in the office and taken to a room where three women who worked for the school system waited—a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a psychologist. The therapists immediately got James busy doing puzzles, shooting a ball through a hoop, identifying colors and shapes, and bouncing on a big ball. He received lots of verbal praise and encouragement and seemed to enjoy the attention and activities.

After an hour of testing James and talking to us, the team left the room to discuss their observations. When they returned, the occupational therapist went back to playing with James so we could talk to the psychologist and speech therapist without distractions. The psychologist talked first about James’s strengths: how cute he was, how much fun they had with him, how easygoing and independent he seemed to be. He was able to shoot a ball in the little basketball goal and was easy to motivate with tickling or food treats. He could also name all the letters he saw on a bulletin board. Then she talked about his weakness. He couldn’t use a spoon correctly. He couldn’t name the basic colors or match basic shapes. He was far behind the abilities of typical kids his age. The psychologist looked nervously at the speech therapist to her left and then back at us. “This is the hard part,” she said. “Based on his testing today and our observations, we believe James has autism.”

On that day, we walked into a school building with concerns and walked out with a diagnosis that would change so much for our family. It changed how we spent money because we needed to pay for therapy and supplements. It changed our plans for James’s education. It changed the rhythms of our life at home because we had weekly visits from an occupational therapist and a behavioral therapist. But one thing it didn’t change was the church we attended. We went right back to our home church the next Sunday where we were met with support and encouragement. Our church’s love for us kept us anchored even through all the big changes we experienced.

How many members do you have, brother pastor, who have received a family-changing diagnosis like the one James received that day? Your church has a unique opportunity to serve such families who are suffering so greatly. When a family in your church receives a disability diagnosis, you can respond with your presence, prayers, and partnership.

Your Presence

When a family hears a diagnosis for their child, they need their church’s support—from Christ-followers who believe every person is made in the image of God, that God created each person on purpose with a plan for their lives, and that everyone has value regardless of their level of ability. The message parents often receive from doctors or clinicians isn’t always a hopeful one. That’s why we need to be prepared to join a family in the PICU waiting room after they hear a diagnosis for their newborn, answer the call when we know a family has taken their toddler in for an evaluation, and respond to the text from the mom who says, “This wasn’t in the adoption paperwork, and I don’t know what to do.” After receiving a diagnosis and feeling like their lives are taking a turn they didn’t expect, parents need their church families to show up. They need your presence and the promise that your church will keep showing up as they face an unknown future.

Your Prayers

It can be tough to show up for others on their hardest days because you don’t always know what to say. But you don’t have to have all the answers (or any answers!). The family you’re sitting with won’t be comforted by any cliche phrase you could come up with anyway. What they need is a reminder about the hope they have in Jesus. To give them that, you can pray for them with words they may not even be able to articulate themselves. They need to hear a prayer like Jehoshaphat’s on behalf of his people: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chr. 20:12b). Help struggling families to trust in God’s goodness even when what they are experiencing feels hard or confusing.

Your Partnership

A significant number of families who have a member with a disability stop attending because their churches are unaware of how to meet their unique needs or are unwilling to try. Recent census data reports that twenty percent of families in the U.S. have a member with a disability. Do our churches reflect that percentage? Often there is more we can do to partner with parents in the discipleship of their children with disabilities. Many churches start by training additional helpers in their children’s ministry classes to support kids who need it. They also can add a specialized class that can better meet the sensory and learning needs of kids with disabilities. The first step is to ask families what they need and attempt to meet those needs. It can be hard for parents to admit what their needs are, but as we partner with them and ask questions, we can find ways to meet those needs.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12 that the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable and that members should care for each other because when one member suffers, all suffer together. Churches can live out this instruction when they care for special-needs families through their presence, prayers, and partnership. By these steps, churches are activated to serve, struggling families are strengthened, and God is glorified.

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Editor’s note: For more on this topic, read Sandra Peoples’ book Accessible Church: A Gospel-Centered Vision for Including People with Disabilities and Their Families (Crossway, 2025).