Preventing Church Discipline by Choosing Wisely Where You Sit in Church

Imagine you’ve just gotten in your car after a members’ meeting in which the church has disciplined a member. You stare off in the distance thinking, “Is there anything I could’ve done to prevent this?” In most cases of excommunication, multiple factors in the person’s life have contributed to that heartbreaking final step. Most likely, many of the factors have developed under the radar and probably over a long period of time. Even the person being disciplined may not, in a moment of honest reflection, be able to identify exactly when or how the pattern of sin first began to develop.

But imagine that there were warning signs to observe. What could a member do to possibly get in front of the situation and make a small difference toward helping prevent church discipline in the first place?

One overlooked way to make a difference is by choosing wisely where you sit in church.

When we walk into a worship service on Sunday mornings and do a quick scan of the available seating options, perhaps we look for where our friends are sitting. Or where the person who annoys us is not sitting. Or which seat is closest to the door. Or simply where we will draw as little attention to ourselves as possible.

But what if we looked for the people sitting alone? Or those who seem unplugged from community? You might give someone the sense that they are loved, which might keep them from giving in to various temptations.

It’s not hard to imagine that, over the course of time, sitting with someone as opposed to leaving them alone could result in a drastically better spiritual scenario. Conversely, leaving someone to sit alone, for yet another Sunday, might make them think, “No one sees me. No one cares. I’m done here.” And perhaps a pattern of sin develops, deepens, and eventually leads to discipline. Where you sit has consequences.

There are at least three ways you can bless church members by choosing your seat wisely.

1. The Ministry of Speaking

Hebrews 10:25 tells us that one of the benefits of not skipping church is that, as a result, we are able to encourage others. Every week we gather, we are sitting in a room with battle-scarred Christians who are worn down by life. There are young parents who might feel a little self-conscious about trying to keep their kids from spilling crayons all over the floor. There are college students away from home who are in the midst of the hardest season of their lives. What about recent widows or widowers? They’ve grown used to sitting next to their spouse on a weekly basis for thirty, forty, and even fifty years. Now their spouse is gone. Do you think that sitting next to them could do something significant for their soul? Or could choosing to not sit next to them potentially lead to their spiritual harm?

I’m urging you to serve your church by being intentional about where you sit, who you talk to before and after the service, how long you stick around afterwards, and the kinds of questions you ask others. God calls us to serve our churches not just by public participation in worship services or hosting a small group or teaching a class, but by caring for our fellow members.

To profitably serve your church, you don’t need a title, such as deacon or Sunday school teacher. Neither do you need someone to give you a specific task, such as collecting the offering or handing out bulletins. If you are a Christian with God’s Word hidden in your heart, you can make a positive difference in the spiritual lives of others. Paul says as much to the church in Rome: “I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another” (Rom. 15:14).

While you sit with someone, you can ask them good questions: something like, “How can I be praying for you? What stands out to you about the sermon text? How has the Lord been encouraging you at church or home?” And when you get to know them, you can ask more personal questions like, “How’s your soul? How are things between you and your wife these days? How are you doing fighting sin when you’re home alone or traveling?” Ask hard questions while someone’s heart is still soft enough to assemble with the saints.

2. The Ministry of Singing

Another potential way to help prevent church discipline is to sing intentionally. Sing in a way that lets the people around you know that you’re there. By singing enthusiastically, you’re serving the people around you. You’re “teaching and admonishing” your church (Col. 3:16). You’re helping someone feel connected, loved, and nourished by truth. You’re showing that Jesus is better than the pleasures of sin.

You were saved for this very purpose—good works (Eph. 2:10). One of those good works is engaging in the elements of the worship service with all your heart. And you just might encourage a sheep tempted to stray enough to prevent church discipline down the road.

3. The Ministry of Seeing

While you’re sitting in a carefully chosen seat and engaging meaningfully in the worship service, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “Is there someone who often sits in this area of the room who hasn’t been here for a while?” If someone hasn’t been to church for the last three weeks, is it possibly a sign that they’re in some trouble? What about if they haven’t been there for three months? You probably won’t even notice unless you’ve been choosing a seat based on how you can best serve others.

Two strategies may prove useful in deciding where to sit. First, you may decide to sit in different parts of the auditorium each week. Moving around helps you get to know who usually sits where, and you can invest in different people than you might if you only sit in the back right corner every week. By getting a feel for where everyone is, you will more easily identify who is routinely alone and be able to help by sitting with them. Second, you may decide to sit in the same section of the gathering each week. Whereas the first strategy facilitates good ministry to the loners, this second strategy sets you up to care for the absent. After all, people are often creatures of habit. If you’re observing the same section week after week, you will start to notice when someone isn’t coming. Once you notice that someone hasn’t been there recently, give them a call, send them a text, or write them a handwritten note. Ask how they’re doing, whether you can pray in any specific ways, and whether you can take them to coffee or lunch just to chat sometime. In so doing, you just might prevent future church discipline.

Rescue the Wayward

Perhaps you’ve seen the video of a group of turtles calmly swimming, but in the middle of the group, one turtle is making a bit of a scene. He’s spinning around in circles, creating ripples in an otherwise calm body of water. That’s because he’s upside down, and he can’t seem to do anything about it. Thankfully, about a dozen turtles respond to the urgent call. They circle him, get underneath him, and flip him right side up so he can move on with his life. In fact, the other turtles very possibly save his life.

Those life-saving turtles are a picture of what it is to serve the church. When God created turtles, he made them to instinctively know when and how to help other turtles in need. And when God created the church, he did so in a way that requires Christians to depend on one another for their spiritual well-being.

In other words, maybe there’s an upside-down turtle in your church, and you get to be one of the ones who help him get turned right side up. You can help them be reoriented to the truth, to move toward repentance, to receive the transforming grace of Christ (cf. Jas. 5:19–20). You can safely assume that every time you walk into your church, there are turtles who need help being turned right side up. And I would argue, you just might find one by choosing carefully where you sit.