Submission Isn’t Silence: Elders Earn a Congregation’s Confidence over Time, Not Their Capitulation

The relationship between a husband and wife is a dance. As he learns to lead with confidence and grace and she learns to submit with skill and wisdom, something beautiful unfolds.

In a congregational church, the relationship between elders and the congregation is also a dance. Elders learn to lead with humility and fidelity, and the congregation learns to submit with honor and trust. After two decades of pastoring God’s people, I have found that different seasons require different pastoral emphases if this dance is going to be beautiful and glorify God.

Earning Trust in the Early Years

In my earliest years, I was only a year or two older than most of our members. I had no gray hairs representing wisdom, and frankly, I had little wisdom to show. I needed to learn to lead slowly. I needed to learn to give people time to process the direction I wanted to lead them in.

In the early days, I learned how helpful it was to take at least two members’ meetings in order to make any given decision. I’d present an issue at one meeting (at least), vote on it at the next meeting, and give plenty of time in between to defend the rationale.

Time is like space on the dance floor. Time is the space we need to process, explain, ponder, decide, and then proceed.

The truth is, however, I wasn’t the only one learning. During that same season, the congregation was learning to follow our elders not because of our age, but because of our office. Paul instructed the Thessalonians, “to esteem [your leaders] very highly in love because of their work” (1 Thes. 5:13). Our work of watching over the souls of the entire flock calls for esteem.

While most of our efforts should be aimed at earning that esteem, sometimes we need to call for a proper deference to the elders. The reason there are so many verses that call for submission is because the church needs this instruction (1 Thes. 5:13, Heb. 13:17, 1 Pet. 5:5).

Encouraging Participation in the Later Years

Over the years, I trust that I, along with my fellow elders, have grown in greater confidence and grace. Despite some sad exceptions, we try to avoid stepping on the congregation’s toes with fast and foolish leadership. In return, the congregation often defers to us. They trust us in our recommendations to them. This makes for generally peaceful and therefore glorious members’ meetings. But sometimes, our leadership can create an overly deferential culture.

After years of mostly peaceful members’ meetings, some members can be quite apologetic if they question the direction the elders are charting. They start their questions with, “I don’t want to create disunity, but . . .” or, “I hope it’s okay, but I am not sure I agree.” Elders who have faced seasons of antagonism toward their leadership might welcome these kinds of questions as a breath of fresh air, but at the end of the day, I don’t think such deference is healthy.

Members of the congregation should feel liberty to express their concerns about any decision the elders are making. They should feel encouraged, like the Bereans, to test whether what we say actually lines up with Scripture (Acts 17:11).

If you’d love some Bereans but have more experience with Corinthians, take heart—Bereans aren’t made overnight. It may take years of modeling submission to Scripture yourself for members to raise objections based on God’s Word and not their own reasoning. But pastors should desire such noble-minded members. Honest questions are not the enemy of church unity. We are not aiming for simpering servants, but for adult children who have the wherewithal to ask good questions and follow with dignity and intelligence. Pastors who cannot handle honest questions—even hard questions—will be at great risk of domineering over the flock (1 Pet. 5:3). An open attitude that encourages questions and then answers candidly goes a long way toward cultivating the best kind of submission in the flock.

In the early years, we must earn trust, and that requires leading with gentleness. If God blesses our labors, we want to cultivate not mindless submission, but discernment—even among those who are discerning if what we are doing is best. Together, skilled shepherds and savvy saints can dance in a way that gives God glory as they reflect the patient leadership of Christ and the wise submission of his church.