We Were Waiting to Die: Suffering as a Missionary for the Sake of the Name

Abstract: Tyler Markson shares about his own experience of suffering as a missionary in Central Asia, including an occasion on which he and his teammates expected to die after a grenade exploded in their compound. Reflecting on his experience, Markson identifies four biblical realities of suffering to help missionaries and all Christians respond to suffering faithfully and with hope in God’s promises. 

 

“Death to Christians.” 

That’s the English translation of the phrase we found printed on a piece of paper and plastered to the large metal gate at the entrance to our Central Asian compound. My missionary teammates and I were returning from sharing a meal with friends down the street when we found this note around dusk. We snatched the paper off the gate and quickly made our way inside the seemingly secure walls of the compound. 

The death threat was not a total surprise. Over the last two years, I had grown accustomed to the uncertainty of living in an active war zone. Additionally, the preceding few weeks had been particularly volatile, as we had heard whispers from our local friends that we were no longer welcome in our city. 

We had gone up to the capital city for a week to let things cool down, and then four of us decided to take a two-day trip back to our home to test things out. It was on the second evening of this trip that we received the note on the gate. As we entered the gate and went through the courtyard, we immediately sat down in the living room to talk about next steps. Before we could begin talking, we heard shouting on the street. At the same time, we saw something thrown over the wall and land on the concrete porch mere feet from where the four of us sat, with only a glass window separating us. As soon as the object hit the concrete, I remember a deafening explosion and my entire field of vision was suddenly an orange-tinted color. 

I remember thinking, “A grenade just exploded. Did that really happen?” 

Waiting to Die 

It did happen. The glass shattered. We fell to the floor, crawled on our hands and knees to the bathroom, turned the light off, and sat in silence. We were stunned and unsure of what would happen next. But we all knew that in our country, attacks often started with a grenade and then people would rush in to finish what they started. We crouched defenseless in that bathroom in Central Asia. 

It’s the first time in my life I genuinely thought I was going to die. I remember many things going through my mind. I thought of my fiancée. I thought of my family back home in the U.S. I also distinctly remember thinking, “I never thought I would die crouched down in a bathroom.” 

But I also remember thinking, “If this is where the Lord has for me to die, then that’s okay. He’s worth it.” For the next half hour, we quoted Scripture out loud, prayed, and waited for what we thought was imminent death. In God’s kindness, the attackers never entered our home. 

Four Biblical Realities of Suffering 

Well over a decade has passed since these events took place. By God’s grace, I write these words today from another Central Asian country, where I continue to live with my family and serve as a missionary. I have not experienced another incident of acute suffering like the one just described, but that doesn’t mean this last decade has been free from suffering. As I reflect on my own suffering as a missionary for the sake of the Name, I humbly offer four biblical realities of suffering that apply to all missionaries. 

1. Suffering Is Normal

Scripture is clear that suffering as a Christian is to be expected. “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Pet. 4:12). It’s easy enough to read these words, yet we often feel surprised when we encounter suffering. 

Missionaries enter cultures where Jesus is historically unknown, misunderstood, or outright blasphemed. By definition, the bride of Christ is either nonexistent or small and fledgling. Satan hates missionaries and the work they seek to accomplish. So why would any missionary assume that things would be easy in this context? Missionaries should expect suffering. 

One risk of sharing my story of a grenade attack is that some may think that less dramatic forms of suffering somehow do not qualify as “real” suffering. In reality, most suffering that missionaries encounter is more like a steady drip from a leaky faucet than a dam that bursts all at once. This kind of suffering takes place over days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. 

Consider the missionary who lives far from adequate medical care and suffers physically. Or the missionary whose parents live far away, so she is unable to care for them as they deal with cancer or dementia. Missionaries regularly miss funerals and weddings. Their own marriages are tested in the pressure cooker of cross-cultural living. And then there are the sudden exits and deportations that can happen. These and other kinds of suffering are normal for missionaries.

2. Suffering Is Temporal

Although suffering is normal for missionaries (and all Christians!), we must also remember that for those who are born again, it is temporal. Suffering does not have the final word; Christ does. Because of the work of Christ, missionaries have hope in the midst of suffering. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” (1 Pet. 1:3). 

Just as Christians do not grieve as those who have no hope, so we do not suffer as those who have no hope. That’s because every child of God has been born again to a “living hope”! Our hope is sure, not because of our ability or inability to endure suffering. Our hope is not based on our ability to “tough it out.” Our hope is sure because Jesus Christ has risen from the dead and thus the outcome of our mission and life is certain. Jesus wins! 

One day we will return to the garden, a new creation where we will once again dwell with God and he with us. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). Missionaries should remember the hope of eternal life that is theirs in Christ as they suffer for his name. This truth produces and sustains joy in the midst of suffering.

3. We Are Not Alone in Our Suffering

As I waited in that bathroom years ago, I vividly remember God calming my heart and granting supernatural peace that “surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7). I am here to testify that God is with his people in the midst of their suffering. Jesus promised to be with his people to the end of the age (Matt. 28:20), and he is faithful. 

In addition to the promises of his Word and the power of his Spirit, God in his great wisdom has instituted the church as a means of causing Christians to persevere to the end. Christians need the local church. Missionaries need the local church. It’s here, in the church, that we have brothers and sisters to walk with us through suffering and bear burdens we cannot bear alone (Gal. 6:2).

4. Future Glory Is Greater Than Present Suffering

When suffering seems unbearable, we sometimes think, “Is it really worth it?” Paul, who was no stranger to suffering, even despaired for his very life because of the overwhelming nature of his afflictions (2 Cor. 1:8). How could he go from feeling overwhelmed to calling his afflictions “light and momentary” just a few chapters later? By changing his perspective. He set his eyes on the “eternal” things, the things that are “unseen” (2 Cor. 4:17–18). 

In another place he writes, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Rom. 8:18). How do I persevere crouched down in a bathroom waiting for someone to come in and kill me? The same way I persevere through the daily and constant afflictions of life—by remembering the glory that lies ahead—the resurrection of the body and a new heaven and a new earth. 

Suffering to some degree is a constant companion for every Christian, but the day is coming when all that is wrong in the world will be made right. Child of God, remember that you’re not alone in your suffering and that you and I can’t fathom the glory that lies ahead. Let’s live in light of that eternal glory.