What Conversion Looks Like in Messy People (Like Me)

Abstract: Mez McConnell points out that the fruit of conversion looks different in everyone’s life, particularly for those who come out of difficult, or “messy,” backgrounds. McConnell illustrates this point by giving two contrasting conversion stories. Then, based on his own background and his ministry among others with difficult backgrounds, he offers five reminders to help pastors minister to such individuals and discern whether they have, in fact, been converted.

Editor’s Note: This article is taken from Church Matters, the 9Marks journal for pastors, in the issue titled Conversion.

If you’ve been a pastor for a while, it’s likely that you’ve seen some people convert from difficult backgrounds. The Lord saved me from a very difficult past and has given me a ministry to many who come from a similar place. In this piece, I am going to share two conversion stories: one “clean” story and one messy. In God’s kindness to me, I have seen people like John and Jane (who you’re soon to meet) come to saving faith through the witness of my local church. In considering the similarities and differences in John and Jane’s conversions, I pray you grow in boldness, discernment, and patience as you faithfully proclaim the gospel and help people live it out in their own lives.

John, a college student who has been attending your Sunday services for some time, asks to speak with you. You meet up and he tells you about his growing conviction over his sin and of his need to repent and place his faith in Christ (those aren’t the terms he uses, but that’s what he means). You feel sure that he is being genuine and so you pray with him and urge him to trust in Christ. Soon after, John tells you that he is now a Christian and so you put him in touch with a mature believer in the church to begin the discipleship process.

As the weeks and months progress, you begin to observe a real spiritual hunger in John as he devours the Bible, attends a small group, and comes regularly to a class on Christian doctrine. John begins to pray earnestly in the public meetings, and he volunteers to serve the church body in a number of different ways. So far, so good. John appears to be “soundly converted.”

Conversion Doesn’t Always Look the Same 

Now, let’s change the story to Jane, a single mom of three with an addiction to cannabis and prescription painkillers. What does conversion look like for her? Should we think about “lowering the bar” for people like Jane from so-called “messy” backgrounds? In other words, should we expect less spiritual fruit from Jane than we do from John? And should we expect the spiritual maturation process to be slower, too?

Back to Jane and her cannabis and pill addiction. She is in your office talking about feeling convicted of sin and of her desire to put her faith in Jesus for salvation (again, those aren’t the terms she uses, but that’s what she means). As with John, you feel that she is being genuine, and when she tells you a short time later that she’s now trusting in Jesus, you put her in touch with a mature lady in the church to disciple her.

However, unlike John, Jane is irregular when it comes to attending Sunday services. Often she turns up late, if she bothers turning up at all. When she does appear, the children are normally loud and fidgety and cause all manner of distractions to those around them. A few members have commented that there is often a strong smell coming off her when she sits near them (later identified as cannabis).

When asked about how she is doing spiritually, she becomes very animated about her faith and is proud of the fact that she has drastically cut down her cannabis consumption. The lady who has been discipling Jane reports that she is sporadic in her attendance at Bible study and that she has only been to one small group meeting since professing faith in Christ.

You start to have doubts about the genuineness of Jane’s conversion.

Things come to a head one evening when a church member calls to inform you that Jane has been arrested and that the children are being cared for by a neighbor. You arrange to meet this member and Jane once she’s been released. A short time later, back in Jane’s apartment, you sit down to listen to the story once the children are in bed.

You try to keep an open mind, but even before Jane begins, you’ve become more convinced that she’s not a Christian. However, you keep these thoughts to yourself for now.

A Difficult and Complex Background 

As you listen to Jane’s story, you learn that: (1) the father of her eldest son is in jail for murder, (2) the father of her daughter died of an overdose a couple of years back, and (3) the father of her youngest son is the reason she was arrested. She has a restraining order against him, but last night he got drunk and broke in and started attacking her. In self-defense, she beat him back with a metal pipe, the one she keeps near her bed for protection. In the ensuing scuffle, they made so much noise that the neighbors called the police.

When the police arrived on the scene, they discovered Jane in the garden waving the pipe and swearing at the top of her lungs as her assailant was lying in the street with blood pouring out of a head wound. She angrily resisted arrest and was verbally abusive to the police officers. She is due in court in a few months to face charges.

After allowing things to settle for a day, you arrange to meet with Jane again, this time with her mentor at your office. She breaks down in tears and cries out: “I know I have let Jesus down, but what was I supposed to do? I thought he was going to hurt my kids again. And I stopped whacking him after his head burst open. Normally, I’d have carried on until he wasn’t moving. But I’ve been working on my anger. Do you think Jesus will forgive me?” You are taken aback by this sudden outburst of contrition. Still, you probe further to find out more about what seems to be her lack of interest in spiritual things.

“Can you tell me about your sporadic attendance at Bible study?” you ask gently.

“I’m embarrassed because I can’t really read that well,” she replies.

“And the midweek prayer meeting?”

“I’m usually dealing with the kids,” she replies. “The eldest has ADHD, and the other two won’t stay with anybody but me. And I don’t want to bring them to the meetings ‘cause I know they disturb people. I can tell the way people look at me. So, I figured it was better to stay here and pray rather than bug the church people.”

“What about smoking cannabis? That’s not good for you—not to mention it’s illegal. Christians shouldn’t be doing that,” you say.

“I know. I smoke it ‘cause of my anxiety and depression. I just find it better than the pills they give me. I can function better when I smoke weed than when I’m on my pills. I know it’s a sin and I have cut down, but I will try to stop. And I need the painkiller ‘cause my ex shattered my arm and broke my shoulder last year.”

You pray with Jane, assure her of Jesus’s love for her, and agree to offer more pastoral support and to continue to work with her spiritual mentor. You also leave somewhat chastened by the way you’ve prejudged her spiritual condition.

A few weeks later, you preach on the topic of baptism and both Jane and John approach you and express a desire to be baptized. What should you do? Jane is still struggling with various issues, but when she attends, she is fully engaged. Does she have to clean up her act a bit more to qualify for baptism and membership? On the other hand, will John sail through the process because he has no publicly discernible sin patterns?

In addition to these questions, pastors have more than the individual to consider. We naturally wonder how it will look to the community if the church publicly affirms the faith of a woman known for her drug use and who, just a short time ago, was arrested for assault and breach of the peace. And how do we answer the questions of members who don’t have the full story of Jane’s situation? Might they not understandably be questioning her conversion, just as you did?

Reminders for “Messy” Situations 

There are rarely easy answers to situations like Jane’s, which must be considered on a case-by-case basis. And given the complex factors involved, it’s understandable that pastors and churches might come to different conclusions about the same individual. With that in mind, I’d like to offer some helpful reminders as you and your church seek to discern whether someone from a “messy” background is converted.

First, all sinners, regardless of past trauma, messiness of life, socioeconomic background, or educational attainment must be converted the same way—through repentance and faith in Christ alone.

Second, God demands sinless perfection from every single member of the human race. I have yet to discover a caveat or a backdoor provision for those of us born into abusive and chaotic backgrounds. Nor is there a different standard for those who’ve suffered terrible trauma or for those who struggle to read and write. We never lower the bar when it comes to preaching the gospel.

Third, evidence for conversion should be evaluated over a period of time. When I was first converted, there were a number of behaviors that I still engaged in that would scandalize many Christians. For instance, I still smoked tobacco for some time, which some Christians have an issue with. I had immediately stopped all illegal drug taking (and selling), and smoking made that bearable in the early months. I also swore like a trooper (particularly from my Christian friend’s perspective!) even though my language had improved considerably. Before my conversion, everybody I knew swore. I grew up being sworn at. Most of those words were a normal part of my vocabulary, so changing that took some time. I figured that swearing wasn’t as bad as stealing and fighting, so I worked at dealing with those sins early on in my walk with Jesus.

Eventually I did stop smoking, although more for physical reasons than spiritual ones (which some Christians might debate!), and I stopped swearing as I spent more time with Christian company. My point is this: some of those things were easy to stop while others were more deeply ingrained and took time to address. If you didn’t know my background in those early days after my conversion, you would have been convinced that I was not saved. Be wary of premature judgements in both directions. Don’t affirm a profession of faith too soon, but don’t deny it too soon either. Time and patience are key.

Fourth, clearly communicate to new believers the seriousness of all sin. A good gauge of genuine conversion is how they respond to being spiritually challenged, especially in areas they didn’t even consider to be a problem!

Fifth, train the church, including your fellow pastors, to be gracious and discerning when dealing with new converts from difficult backgrounds. We need to learn to recognize which behaviors to challenge and which to address at a later date. For example, I am going to prioritize challenging a new convert about their abuse of prescription medication over the fact that they might be a smoker.

Again, all of these things take time and discernment, patience and perseverance. They take prayer and a commitment to teaching people the whole counsel of God. They take a local church committed to long-term discipleship and spiritual care. Sooner or later, true conversion becomes apparent by the fruit it produces (or fails to produce).