How Much Do the Elders of Our Church Share About Difficult Issues in Members Meetings? – A Forum

Omar Johnson, Pastor of Temple Hills Baptist Church, Temple Hills, Maryland

I write as a pastor of an elder-led, congregational church. In other words, the elders or pastors provide oversight to the church, but ultimately, the congregation has the final authority (cf. Matt. 18:15–20). I make that disclaimer up front because it frames our expectations for what we might hear at a members meeting.

In other words, we pastors don’t merely inform the members of our predetermined decisions on matters of membership, discipline, the election of officers, or budget. Rather, the elders inform the church so that the church can take decisive action. That process is often seamless and uncomplicated when things are running smoothly—when there are members to be added and money to be allocated to already agreed-upon priorities. But what about when there are difficult decisions to be made, like practicing church discipline? How does a pastor lead a church to act in those instances?

Here are four words to remember:

1. Frame

Frame the discussion around the Bible. Remind the church what the Bible says about the nature of the church—that it is its members. Remind them that a church should be marked by holiness, love, and fidelity to Jesus. Remind them about the commitments the Bible calls us to: regularly gathering with the body, confessing and repenting of sin, living in submission to Christ and his Word. Take a couple of minutes to frame the discussion around the Bible so that the congregation knows the decision you’re calling them to make isn’t borne from personal animus or petty trivialities, but fidelity to the Scriptures.

2. Explain

After laying the biblical groundwork, explain the particularities of the specific difficult case. If it’s a church discipline case, you need to explain the nature of the sin (not necessarily all the specific details, see next point). You need to explain why said sin is so serious. You need to explain the process that’s already underway—conversations had, pursuits taken, responses received or not received. Trust is built off transparency, so you want to share as much as you can so that even if members aren’t privy to as much information as you, they know enough to act.

A helpful step here is to share details about a difficult case a meeting or two before a final decision or vote is required. Proactively prepare the congregation along the way for what might lead to excommunication. Also, there may be instances where one member is disciplined more quickly than another member for the same sin. Explain why. Explain how the interactions, responses, and heart postures differed in the two cases that led the elders to different speeds in recommending the same action.

3. Refrain

Refrain from sharing too much information. Sharing every detail of some sins (for instance, cases of sexual immorality) may unnecessarily tempt and serve as a stumbling block to other members. Oversharing everything you know about a difficult case might also harden members’ hearts towards an offending sinner in a way that may prevent restoration, which is the goal of corrective church discipline. There may be instances where the details shared at a meeting are about another members’ spouse or child. Be sensitive to that. Refrain from sharing so much information that the member who stays in the congregation, and perhaps in the marriage, doesn’t feel wrongly shamed in doing so.

You’ll also need to refrain from growing angry or agitated should members ask for more details about an issue. It’s not necessarily a mark of disrespect or distrust. They don’t know as much about the case as you. It’s natural for members to have questions. So refrain from responding harshly, share what you can, and kindly invite members to speak with you offline if they want to discuss more deeply.

4. Train

Discussing difficult issues at members meetings is an opportunity to train the church. You can train the congregation to know their Bibles and the biblical expectations for church members. You can train them to do the work of church members—exercising the keys of the kingdom entrusted to them (Matt. 16:19). You can train them to trust their elders. You can train them to entrust themselves to the care of the entire church, knowing that even if one day they become the subject of a difficult issue in a members meeting, the congregation will act toward them in a way that’s biblical, unbiased, and ultimately for their good.

Garrett Kell, Pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church, Del Ray, Virginia

A challenging aspect of leadership in the church is discerning how to shepherd in full transparency while also honoring the wealth of private information that we steward. Viewing ourselves as stewards and shepherds will help us to develop wise principles as we discern how much to share about difficult issues at members meetings.

First, We Are Stewards

God has entrusted us with his Word, his people, and their lives’ sweet and shameful realities. Pastors steward the secrets of people’s souls. Members trust pastors to hear and guard their sins, celebrations, and everything in between. We, of course, never hide illegal, immoral, or abusive actions to “protect God’s name.” That’s cowardly and corrupt leadership that misuses God’s name to further personal agendas. However, stewards treat knowledge of intimate personal and spiritual realities carefully. We are like vaults that guard people’s lives and never unnecessarily disclose their “secrets” to others without permission.

Second, We Are Shepherds

God has called us to lead the flock wisely. Part of this responsibility considers what’s happening in the lives of other church members. Because we are a body, everything a member does matters to everyone else. If I look at pornography or lie, it doesn’t just affect me—it impacts every member of the church (even if no one finds out). Hidden sin grieves the spirit and saps my love toward others. Godliness, on the other hand, blesses others in the body. If I faithfully share the gospel with a co-worker or anonymously give money to a brother or sister in Christ—it doesn’t just affect me—it impacts every church member. Obedience fills us with the Spirit and radiates the tenderhearted, sacrificial love of Christ to others.

So how do shepherds lead the flock while also stewarding sensitive realities? Most often, the lines are fairly clear. But other times they aren’t. It may be a church discipline case, or a member resigning for sensitive reasons, or a couple separating due to marital strife over sexual dysfunction—we all know there’s no shortage of tricky issues.

While every matter must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, here are seven principles for careful stewardship and transparent leadership.

1. Pray for Wisdom

God says if we lack wisdom, ask for it (Jas. 1:5). Far too often we can be tempted to lean on our own understanding. Pray, fast, and plead with God to make clear what and how much should be shared.

2. Provide Clarity for Understanding

Share enough information for the congregation to make an informed and appropriate decision without providing unnecessary, salacious, or insensitive details. For instance, Paul was clear in 1 Corinthians 5 that a man was having a sexual relationship with his mother-in-law. If he said, “This guy is having an inappropriate relationship,” it would leave the door open for speculation and gossip. He also didn’t need to give all the backstory about who seduced who, how they got caught, etc. The church needs to understand what has happened, why it’s a sin according to Scripture, and how the person is currently relating to their sin (calloused, open to reason, unresponsive, etc.).

To be honest, our elders tend to share too little instead of over-share. This can at times leave the congregation confused or frustrated. Typically, those closest to the situations (including non-elders) feel a decision is crystal clear, but others may be less convinced. So we try to lean into sharing more for clarity’s sake.

3. Provide Clarity for Action

The congregation needs to know what God wants them to do. Should they pray? Fast? Reach out to the person if they know them? What if they don’t but are concerned as fellow members? What if they have information that could help the elders? Should they call the person “brother” or “sister” or treat them as an unbeliever (Matt. 18:17)? Sheep need to be shepherded, so make their path clear.

4. Exhort Proper Stewardship

If sensitive information is shared, it must be accompanied by specific counsel to the congregation about how to handle that knowledge of someone—with the fear of the Lord, humility, love, and a desire for repentance and restoration, if applicable.

5. Pace Disclosure Wisely

Sometimes, we’ve brought the congregation into a sensitive situation too late. As elders, we’ve already landed where we think is best but sadly, the flock has no idea anything is happening. Avoid dropping sudden bombs of information if possible. This may look like an elder sharing that a couple is separating and asking them to pray. Another example is when a couple left our church over a sensitive matter and we knew several other couples were struggling with the same issue. We attempted to be honest about what was happening—that we knew several others were struggling and that we were trying to help them. We asked the congregation to pray and please talk to us if they had questions. People always appreciate openness.

6. Protect the Sheep

Don’t hide information that could endanger other members. For instance, if someone convicted of sexual abuse is pursuing membership or has been attending, the congregation needs to know about it with haste. But how that’s done requires sensitivity toward the repentant person not to heap shame upon him or her while also establishing and communicating guidelines around their restrictions at the church.

7. Consider the Cost

Consider the cost of sharing too much information. Will you embarrass someone or crush their soul unnecessarily? Or, in the other direction, if you don’t share information and it were to come to light, would you be ashamed, disqualified, or regretful? If so, you likely should make it known. God has creative ways of exposing darkness, so fear him rather than people.

Jeff Lacine, Pastor of Sellwood Church, Portland, OR

Most of the difficult issues we have had to deal with as a church revolve around matters of corrective church discipline. There are a few guidelines that have helped us to consider what information to share when a member is caught in sin.

Don’t Share Too Little

1. The Church Needs to Be Informed When a Member Is in Danger and Isn’t Responding to the Exhortation of the Elders

The elders aren’t the only ones called to care for the members of the church. Before the congregation is called on for a vote of excommunication, church members should be alerted so that they can pursue the wandering sheep. While there may be exceptions, Jesus shows us that the congregation should generally have the opportunity to persuade a sinning church member to repent when he says “if he refuses to listen even to the church” (Matt. 18:17).

To pursue the repentance of a fellow church member, the congregation doesn’t need to know all the details of their situation. But at the very least, they should know that the elders believe the member is in danger and, if nothing changes, they may be called on to vote for their removal from membership.

2. The Church Needs More Information When It’s Being Called on to Adjudicate a Matter

When the congregation is called on to make a formal decision, such as excommunication, they need enough information to make an informed judgment. Just as the elders needed to do an investigation to decide if an issue should be brought to the congregation, the congregation often needs some of that information to make an informed final judgment.

3. Sometimes, the Church Needs to Witness the Public Admonition of a Member When He Persists in Sin That Affects the Church and Its Witness

In one particular case, we believed it was our responsibility to give more information to the church, and even to someone who wasn’t a member of our church at all. Here’s what happened: a few days before a congregational vote for excommunication, the offending member gave an expression of repentance. The elders received the repentance as genuine and the church agreed to stay the vote. However, after a number of months had passed, that same member admitted that he concealed his sin and again expressed repentance after being pressed by the elders. Because of the way he seemed to be complying with our exhortation and counsel, it didn’t seem like we should recommend removal from membership. But because his sin was already a public matter of the church, he had deceived the whole church for a time, and outsiders were affected negatively by his sin, we saw the need to bring a public admonition that would be read to the congregation and sent to the harmed outsider.

We took our cue from 1 Timothy 5:20 which says, “As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.” We were careful to give enough information to elicit proper shame for the sin committed, to express our church’s displeasure over the sin, and to enable our congregation to understand why a public admonition was called for.

Don’t Share Too Much

Even though the above situations call for information to be shared with the whole church, we also believe there are very good reasons to be restrained in sharing details with the whole church. Here are a few reasons why:

1. We Should Seek to Preserve the Dignity and Privacy of Any Innocent Party and of Outsiders

While the offending party of a church discipline situation has surrendered the privilege of privacy by their sin, the innocent party has not done anything that warrants the spotlight. Moreover, the apostle Paul is clear that while members of the church have volunteered for their lives to be publicly scrutinized by the church, this isn’t the case with non-members. “For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?” (1 Cor. 5:12)

2. Unnecessary Details about Sin May Tempt Others to Sin in Their Hearts

Sometimes, the mere awareness of the way people are seeking sinful pleasure can entice others to sin. Paul seems to encourage the Christians in Ephesus to expose sin in such a way that does not involve speaking about those sins in salacious detail. “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret” (Eph. 5:11–12).

3. Unnecessary Information May Create Obstacles for Future Reconciliation with the Church

One of the chief goals of church discipline is reconciliation of the sinner. Receiving someone back into the church after they have fallen away for a time may be more difficult for some members than for others, in part because memory of the sin has been impressed on their minds. As much as possible, we want to save members from the temptation of the older son in Luke 15, who could not easily forget that his brother “devoured [his father’s] property with prostitutes” (v. 30).