Pastoral Ministry When Parenting Gets Hard
August 4, 2026
August 4, 2026
Abstract: Stephen Brucker offers counsel and encouragement for pastors who face difficulties in parenting. Based on his own experience as a parent, Brucker encourages pastors to take comfort in God’s presence with them, the ordinary means of grace, the community of God’s people, the personal ways God is using their difficulties, and the hope of heaven. Pastors and all Christians can persevere faithfully through every trial in light of God’s grace in Christ.
Editor’s Note: This article is taken from Church Matters, the 9Marks journal for pastors, in the issue titled “The Pastor and His Family.”
There is nothing quite like the smell of a behavioral therapy drop-in clinic. If you’ve never been, it smells like . . . fear, though I’m not sure that is an actual smell. For years, my wife and I had known that something was wrong with our boy. Initially, we were in denial, but then friends and family began to take notice and point out what we were scared to see. Since those early days, we’ve seen ups and downs, anxiety attacks, depression, medications, and endless appointments. The most disturbing crisis occurred recently when my son had a three-hour anxiety attack. Like a boat going through a storm, the only way through was to ride the waves and wait for the storm to pass. It was exhausting for him and traumatic for the whole family. Eventually, the anxiety broke, his demeanor changed, and he spoke a phrase I will never forget: “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Whether your child is suffering from mental illness or not, parenting is rarely easy, which is why I often find myself wishing for a magic wand that I could wave into the sky to make my son instantly feel better. I wish I had a spell that could protect all of my children from various foes that I know they will have to contend with one day. And yet, as I’ve walked this well-worn parental path, I’ve found that God has given his saints something far more potent and powerful than a wand or an incantation—he’s given himself. Lest we miss God’s presence in our lives, here are five ways in which God is present when parenting gets difficult.
In the Upper Room Discourse in John 14, Jesus informs his disciples that he is going away, but “he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever” (John 14:16). That Helper, the Spirit, puts Jesus before us that we might delight in him (John 16:14), which is hard to see when parenting gets difficult. Yet there is a sweetness of Jesus that is often tasted in times of difficulty.
When you feel weak as a parent, God reveals himself as the Sovereign Lord (Jer. 32:17). When your sin is revealed in times of stress, God reveals himself as the all-sufficient Savior (1 Pet. 3:18). When you look back and see God’s preserving grace in your family, God reveals himself as the God who upholds (2 Cor. 12:9).
When the days are long and the nights are short, God is not absent. He is revealing himself to you through the Spirit.
During seasons of difficult parenting, I’ve found that God often draws near to me through the ordinary means of grace—the Word, my church, prayer, singing. These things are life-sustaining when life and parenting get hard.
One night, my son couldn’t fall asleep, a symptom of the new medication he’s taking. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t do the most natural of tasks. So, I sat with him and read the Word. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” At first, it felt futile. “Maybe we should just try counting sheep,” I thought to myself. But as I continued to read, his breathing slowly calmed. We met the Shepherd who leads us not only by still waters, but also in the valley of the shadow of death.
Reading, meditating, and praying in light of God’s Word is too often overlooked or underappreciated when the going gets tough. After all, who wants to wait when there may be a quick fix on offer somewhere beyond the Book? But the tried, true, and ordinary gifts of sitting under the preached Word, singing songs about the promises of God, and praying in light of God’s Word seem to make all the difference (Col. 3:16–17).
When parenting gets difficult, fill your life with the ordinary means of God’s grace.
Most Christians acknowledge the need for community and hospitality. Yet parenting difficulties can erode community.
There was a season when getting invited over for dinner only brought anxiety to our family. How do I explain why my son is hiding under the table? What excuse can I give to get out of dinner? The shame of having such a family is quite isolating. Not to mention, some people in the church, though well-meaning, will never understand your particular parenting difficulties. Some of our deepest wounds came not from outside the church but within.
Though some might not understand, others will. God has always providentially brought families to walk with us in every season. These friends have been a display of God’s presence as they’ve asked probing questions, carried our burdens, and walked us to Christ, who covers parenting shame.
My days never look the same. As a pastor, that seems typical. But when I must cancel a meeting to pick up my son who is having a panic attack at school, it’s easy to conclude that parenting is getting in the way of pastoring. I suppose there is a time when a pastor may need to step away from ministry to care for his family. But what I’ve found is that parenting difficulties aren’t a distraction from ministry, but a quality of my ministry. They are a means that God uses to form me into a better pastor, husband, father, and Christian.
Few things have brought me to my end like parenting. I find myself quite comfortable studying God’s Word, navigating hard conversations, and leading within the church. But God has exposed issues of control, the fear of man, and countless other sins through the gift of parenting. Not to mention, he has used my children to make me more patient, compassionate, and long-suffering. The crucible of difficult parenting is a personal gift that forms Christ in us.
This last means of experiencing God’s presence in parenting might sound strange. Yet I find myself weekly, if not daily, thinking about heaven—the Gloryland to come, where there is no suffering, no weeping, and no wheelchairs. That New Jerusalem, where undertakers are out of work and there are no behavioral walk-in therapy clinics. That Celestial City with joys and crowns and nations singing a song without end (Rev. 5). I think of children like mine, who, among the saints, will for the first time have rest for their weary minds.
When parenting gets difficult, I consider heaven, but mostly, I consider the centerpiece of heaven, Jesus Christ. What a sight to behold when we see him face to face!
Some may call this escapism. But Paul, in his difficulties, wasn’t escaping anything when he longed for heaven (Phil. 1:23). He wasn’t so heavenly minded that he was no earthly good. Instead, the thought of heaven fueled his earthly perseverance. So, sing songs about heaven. Feast on the Lord’s Supper and remind yourself of the greater feast to come. Dwell on Canaan’s land, where Sabbaths have no end.
Parenting is difficult, but there is a happy ending: arrival at a place where beauty is unmatched, where death is no more, where tears are forbidden, where darkness must hide, and where the Son of God—whose suffering makes parental suffering worth it—reigns.