Eight Steps for Dealing with Difficult Leaders
February 25, 2010
February 25, 2010
“Pastor Ken, I was here before you came, and I’ll be here after you’re gone.” A long-time member of my first church said this over 40 years ago when she and I had a disagreement on the mission of the church. It was a friendly discussion, but the lines were clearly drawn in intractable ways. Although she did not hold office, she was the “E.F. Hutton” of the church: when she spoke, everyone listened.
It was not exactly the way I had envisioned the beginning of my pastoral ministry, but it became an opportunity for the congregation to work through theological differences. The church, located in a picturesque and quaint sea-coast community where lots of tourists spent summers, was a merger of several churches through the years. As a result it represented both conservative evangelical and theologically liberal perspectives on faith and ministry.
In our disagreement on the church’s mission, my concern was for the church to maintain a gracious and biblical witness in the community as well as worship the one true God in a way that upheld biblical truth. The woman was concerned for the church to be nothing more than a polite social club. She also wanted the church to protect a women’s group associated with the church which was comprised mostly of people from the community who were not Christians or members of the church. This group was known for hosting the best Christmas and summer fairs in the area, but it had nothing to do with God. The issue was complicated by the fact that this group had raised the money to redecorate the 150-year-old parsonage just before my family moved in.
Although evangelicals in the church were a strong majority, we were sensitive to the history of the church with its diverse theological perspectives. Also, we were the only church in a distinct sub-section of the town. So we moved slowly and deliberately. It took almost four years for the church to work through the tensions. Ultimately, the congregation voted to align itself exclusively with evangelical convictions of biblical truth, and the community group was asked to disassociate itself from the church, which they did, but not without tears and unhappiness.
Other churches I have served as pastor and interim pastor through the years have been a delight to serve and have had capable and effective leaders who loved the Lord and were keen to follow biblical teaching. From my first church and the subsequent ones, I have learned some principles about dealing with difficult people. Here are eight:
All ministry, including working with difficult people, is God’s work. For this we can be profoundly thankful, even if it is painful and we do not always understand what’s happening. After all, it’s not about us, it’s about God.